4:09 am
I am awake
again....
have been since 2:54 am
natter, natter, natter
whine, whine, whine
squeal with glee
rinse and repeat
Our little Broadway Diva is at it again. Does she not know she has swimming lessons in about 4 hours now? Nooooo, she doesn't even remember what a pool is I bet or the fact that she has super cool Nemo swimming diapers to wear in it under her new daisy bathers. I think my eyes are bleeding. Wasn't I just writing to you all, what, 5 minutes ago?
Whilst staring at the stucco ceiling over the last hour, my mind has been to many places. One of which, it keeps circling back to. Ben and I have been talking about #2 and getting this family rolling. My latest thought toward that goal is going through labour and delivery again and what a mess it was the first time.
For those of you who do not know, my first go around was nearly fatal. It's a long story but basically the trouble can be directly linked to the anesthesiologist/anesthetic and one epically stupid nurse. My first epidural came out of my back, my second one caused a big dip in my blood pressure (80/50) but they finally got me stable after 3 hours. Some wise ass nurse decided that it was OK to let that epidural run out just as I was starting to push, thinking Ollie would be born quickly before the meds actually ran out. She was wrong, I paid the price and an hour and a half later she arrived, sans any meds. Then I ran into trouble and they had to order an emergency epidural to refreeze me so they could go back in and fetch my placenta. Well that one caused my blood pressure to dip to 50/27, that was almost the end of me. Poor Ben got a big scare and poor Olivia spent her first precious hours in the world, alone and ignored with a heart condition that went undiagnosed, while everyone scrambled to keep me here. It was not exactly the delivery you see in the movies.
Now back to the original thought - #2. I got to thinking that if we do go ahead, things are going to be very different this time. I am so much wiser now, so much more informed, empowered and lets just say that when I gave birth to Olivia, I also gave birth to a shiny new set of balls, the size of Texas. Oh yes, things will be very different if and when we venture down this road again.
So now I am trying to figure out *how* things will be different. My thought of the night is in regards to the anesthetic cocktail used on me last time and the idiot anesthesiologist who inserted it into me. In fairness, I cannot directly blame him until I find out what information was given to him. I will not blame him for epidural #1 as I am sure there is a certain percentage of sites that become dislodged and this must happen from time to time. What I don't understand is what happened for the second epidural - was the drop in blood pressure a result of improper placement in my spinal cord or was it that he used a different blend. What I was told by my doctor is that every anesthesiologist has a signature recipe they like to use. There are several drugs available to them and they select the blend based on several factors like the patients stature, medical history, the procedure being done and what they feel most comfortable using. Now epidural #3 is the $64,000 question (as my mother would say). It was ordered in an emergency situation. Was the anesthesiologist told about how I reacted to the second one or was he and decided to proceed anyway? Did he use the same cocktail or did I react badly to 2 separate ones?
Now I know most people would take these concerns to their doctor, get some reassurance that it was a fluke and be done with it. I cannot, I simply cannot. I am thinking of bypassing my doctor all together and going straight to the hospital to get a copy of my file and starting there. It's my file so I think they have to let me see it. I am pretty sure with this new privacy policy, if I request a copy, they have to give me one. I know it will be filled with medical terms and jargon but I can translate it bit by bit through internet resources I am sure. Even if I can't, I can still make an appointment with my doc, armed with it, looking for an exact explanation. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't I say.
If it was indeed the anesthesiologist's fault, I want to make sure that I have a meeting with him before any epidurals in future. Make sure that he fully understands what hap penned and takes a good look at my file so that I am treated as a person and not a number. I want him to look me in the eye and assure me that he wont kill me. He will know that I am a well informed patient and that I am not to be pacified. If its a different anesthesiologist, I want a thorough review of my file before any cocktail mixing so that they understand my body's limitations. If it was the cocktail then I want to ensure that it not be inadvertently used on me again.
Now some of you may be wondering why I sound so bitter and jaded when I spend most of my life trying to find the bright and funny side of things. Well, I guess the last 6 months has changed my entire view on the medical profession. While there are some gems out there, sadly there are also some lumps of coal. I think that facing my mortality and the mortality of my daughter, suddenly there is a lot more at stake in terms of finding good medical care and advice. By being the best advocate I could for Olivia's health, I learned that I simply must do the same for myself. We only have one body and we need to make sure that those charged with its medical care are as well educated, competent and compassionate as possible.
These are the marbles that are rattling around in my brain in these wee hours - just thought I would share....
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Worst Movie In A Long, Long, Long Time
It's Friday night and we are home watching quite possibly *the* worst movie I have ever seen. The saddest part is that it has me in it's grip and like a train wreck, I just can't seem to look away. Shite. The only thing I am thankful for is that I am not responsible for choosing it. It's called The Last Winter, just in case you happen to want to waste 2 hours of your life that you will never get back.
On a very happy note, we have found a winner in the Olivia-Eating-Solid-Food-Winter-Games....wait for it.....wax beans ladies and gentlemen, wax beans. They were a hit! Today I made the big mistake of smelling a jar of bananas. I am not like those super moms out there that has to taste *everything* I give her. I trust that Gerber has been making this crap for millennium and that's OK with me. But WOW that stuff smells awful - no wonder its such a tough sell! I got a book on homemade purees and am going to give that a whirl on Sunday. I plan on spending the day cooking, pureeing and freezing various non foul smelling fruits and veggies. Hopefully we will see some more enthusiasm out of our darling next week with a new menu.
On a serious note, we got a letter from Sick Kids today asking for Olivia to participate in a research study called 'Genetics of Heart Disease in Children'. It will involve her being monitored over the coming years by researchers and having some blood collected and put into a biobank for further testing and analysis. They are going to attempt to figure out why some kids are born with this and we figure that its the least we can do in order to find a cause and cure for future kids.
Well its off to bed now as we have swimming lessons at 8:30 tomorrow morning and that seems like 10 minutes from now. G'night all....
On a very happy note, we have found a winner in the Olivia-Eating-Solid-Food-Winter-Games....wait for it.....wax beans ladies and gentlemen, wax beans. They were a hit! Today I made the big mistake of smelling a jar of bananas. I am not like those super moms out there that has to taste *everything* I give her. I trust that Gerber has been making this crap for millennium and that's OK with me. But WOW that stuff smells awful - no wonder its such a tough sell! I got a book on homemade purees and am going to give that a whirl on Sunday. I plan on spending the day cooking, pureeing and freezing various non foul smelling fruits and veggies. Hopefully we will see some more enthusiasm out of our darling next week with a new menu.
On a serious note, we got a letter from Sick Kids today asking for Olivia to participate in a research study called 'Genetics of Heart Disease in Children'. It will involve her being monitored over the coming years by researchers and having some blood collected and put into a biobank for further testing and analysis. They are going to attempt to figure out why some kids are born with this and we figure that its the least we can do in order to find a cause and cure for future kids.
Well its off to bed now as we have swimming lessons at 8:30 tomorrow morning and that seems like 10 minutes from now. G'night all....
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Battle of wills
It's 4:58 am, I am up because someone (I wont name names to protect the innocent) decided that its 'practice our talking time' and has been nattering and squealing away for an hour now. I have been in 47 times now to feed, burp, change, insert soother, change position, turn on mobile, redecorate crib, repaint nursery, build a new closet organizer and save the world - you name it I have tried it and now here we sit, her upstairs increasing in volume as I am not near and me downstairs typing away to you folks. Its a full on battle of the wills as I pray to the sleep gods and she practices for her next Broadway musical. Holy crapinoli.
On a better note, Ben finally got his new Volvo today. Its a shiny new S40, stick shift with all the bells and whistles - exactly the car he wanted and he is over the moon. I must admit it looks very sharp and even though I hate that its standard, it might and I stress might, inspire me to one day learn to operate it. Lets not hold our breaths though as it is 5 am and I don't entirely have my wits about me. Its been a strange night, in fact we went for dinner after picking it up and he didn't even wear his parka! As those who know him know, if there is even a slight breeze the thought of going out without his -40 degree, suitable to climb Everest, bright orange, can conquer the arctic, survival jacket which I not so lovingly refer to as 'the parka' would be just too much to bear. Well I guess his new car gave fuel to his manhood and he decided he was suddenly able to venture forth for an evening without his security blanket, oops I mean 'parka'. I was so upset that I forgot the camera - it was one for the history books!
Well we have managed 3 days of peas now with Olivia (aka choochie) and the progress is staggering. She is now grasping the open mouth, spoon gets inserted, move tongue about and attempt to swallow mechanics. Now it is time to train mummy - feed before bath time and always use waterproof bibs with a big pocket in the front. More of the peas covered her face, hair, squirrelly little fingers and pudgy leg rolls than actually went into her mouth - what a horrible green slimy mess!!! The best part has been her figuring out that if she slams her open hand down onto the dribbles on her tray then everyone and everything within 3 feet gets to wear the peas - hooray for mess on a grand scale. Tomorrow we try bananas - wish me luck folks!
I have outlasted her!!! There is silence from the baby monitor....if I hurry there is a whole 16 minutes left of good quality sleep before the alarm goes off - gnight all
On a better note, Ben finally got his new Volvo today. Its a shiny new S40, stick shift with all the bells and whistles - exactly the car he wanted and he is over the moon. I must admit it looks very sharp and even though I hate that its standard, it might and I stress might, inspire me to one day learn to operate it. Lets not hold our breaths though as it is 5 am and I don't entirely have my wits about me. Its been a strange night, in fact we went for dinner after picking it up and he didn't even wear his parka! As those who know him know, if there is even a slight breeze the thought of going out without his -40 degree, suitable to climb Everest, bright orange, can conquer the arctic, survival jacket which I not so lovingly refer to as 'the parka' would be just too much to bear. Well I guess his new car gave fuel to his manhood and he decided he was suddenly able to venture forth for an evening without his security blanket, oops I mean 'parka'. I was so upset that I forgot the camera - it was one for the history books!
Well we have managed 3 days of peas now with Olivia (aka choochie) and the progress is staggering. She is now grasping the open mouth, spoon gets inserted, move tongue about and attempt to swallow mechanics. Now it is time to train mummy - feed before bath time and always use waterproof bibs with a big pocket in the front. More of the peas covered her face, hair, squirrelly little fingers and pudgy leg rolls than actually went into her mouth - what a horrible green slimy mess!!! The best part has been her figuring out that if she slams her open hand down onto the dribbles on her tray then everyone and everything within 3 feet gets to wear the peas - hooray for mess on a grand scale. Tomorrow we try bananas - wish me luck folks!
I have outlasted her!!! There is silence from the baby monitor....if I hurry there is a whole 16 minutes left of good quality sleep before the alarm goes off - gnight all
Monday, February 23, 2009
Momentary lapse of sanity
Well holy smacks its been weeks since I have posted an update here. I am truly sorry my dear fans. Lots has happened since the end of January...where to start......lets work backward shall we?
Peas on Earth AND on my plate.....
Today we started solids with Olivia! I had a great plan set out to start with rice cereal, then try one new food every 3 days until she had tried all the fruits and veggies available. She has been eating rice in her bottles on and off since she was 3 months old (now 5 1/2 months) so we knew she was tolerant of that already. I decided to start her on pears first and that went incredibly bad. I am convinced that she will never enjoy pears as long as she lives! The gagging and the faces of disgust were too much for me, poor thing hated them and I could barely contain myself with laughter. Needless to say I decided to try something else before she reported me to child services. I figured that maybe shes a savoury gal and takes after her Dad (unlike me and my sweet tooth) so I decided to give peas a whirl and low and behold they went over much better than the pears - who woulda thunk it? It was still pretty funny to watch her go and I even got it on video. No adverse reactions from anything so I would consider day 1 a marginal success!
Cough, cough, hack, hack.....
We have all had a cold now for the past week or so which has been awful. Its Olivia's first and I have never seen so much snot in all my life! We now have 3 nasal sucker thing-a-ma-bobs and they are still never around when you need them - phenomenal. I find it quite funny that she absolutely HATES anyone wiping, suctioning or touching her nose. She will go to any extreme to fight you and she yells and squeaks like mad - I'm convinced they are some sort of baby curse words. And boy, she snored before but now she rivals her Daddy!
More courses for me...
Last week I began another baking course at McCalls here in Mississauga. I took all the Wilton cake decorating courses last summer and have decided to carry on now that life has calmed down a bit, well that's not really accurate, its a little less on fire now, shall we say. I'm doing colour flow designs for cakes with an old friend (haven't seen in 15 years) Stephanie from high school. It was great to catch up with her and there were enough nut jobs in the class to keep us entertained for the whole evening. We go for the next one tomorrow night.
Jolly Ole England......
Once getting the OK to travel with Olivia from Sick Kids we booked a trip to England right away to introduce her to the the other half of her family. We got back last weekend after a 10 day getaway which was busy and fun. She was a great flyer, well except for the part where she threw up on the way back but that was not from the flight but rather from her putting her fingers too far into her own mouth - silly monkey. She mostly slept, cooed and drooled and smiled. The family all loved her and spoiled her rotten. She decided not to adjust to the time difference at all and became a night owl but at least that meant some sleep-ins for us! Due to all the excitement, she gained no weight while we were away which was not great so we have had our hands full trying to get her eating properly again this week.
Vroooooom, Vroooooooooooom.....
After an endless debate over vehicles, I finally caved and gave Ben my blessing on getting a new Volvo. We have never seen eye to eye on cars since the day we met as I am a convertible/SUV kinda gal and he is a sedan kinda guy - I only drive automatic and he LOVES standard. Come car shopping with us folks - it will be fun, I swear! His lease was up on his old Seabring and we had to make a decision on a new one. So being the great wife that I am, I finally relented and gave him my blessing, in exchange for the promise of a fancy little convertible for my 40th of course. So off we went to the dealership to buy him his dream car, a car I will never drive. We gave our other one back and well its now 5-6 weeks later and we are still waiting for the Volvo to arrive and sharing my car - what a pain in the A$$ but they promise us that it will be in this week. It had to come from Sweden doncha know.
Marathon mayhem......
Well my ever so ambitious goal of a marathon in May is rapidly slipping through my fingers. With the limited use of the car I have not been able to get to the gym and honestly all this lag time has really poured water on my fire. I now find myself compromising to a half marathon or a 5-10k walk/run - whatever I can get to in the short amount of time I have left to train. Until we get our second car back I cannot really even begin to make plans. I will just have to do the best I can with what I have left and do it as well as possible.
Well its getting late and my brain is calling last call so I had better wrap this up. I will endeavour to fill in the gaps of the last month and keep you all up to date over the coming days.
Peas on Earth AND on my plate.....
Today we started solids with Olivia! I had a great plan set out to start with rice cereal, then try one new food every 3 days until she had tried all the fruits and veggies available. She has been eating rice in her bottles on and off since she was 3 months old (now 5 1/2 months) so we knew she was tolerant of that already. I decided to start her on pears first and that went incredibly bad. I am convinced that she will never enjoy pears as long as she lives! The gagging and the faces of disgust were too much for me, poor thing hated them and I could barely contain myself with laughter. Needless to say I decided to try something else before she reported me to child services. I figured that maybe shes a savoury gal and takes after her Dad (unlike me and my sweet tooth) so I decided to give peas a whirl and low and behold they went over much better than the pears - who woulda thunk it? It was still pretty funny to watch her go and I even got it on video. No adverse reactions from anything so I would consider day 1 a marginal success!
Cough, cough, hack, hack.....
We have all had a cold now for the past week or so which has been awful. Its Olivia's first and I have never seen so much snot in all my life! We now have 3 nasal sucker thing-a-ma-bobs and they are still never around when you need them - phenomenal. I find it quite funny that she absolutely HATES anyone wiping, suctioning or touching her nose. She will go to any extreme to fight you and she yells and squeaks like mad - I'm convinced they are some sort of baby curse words. And boy, she snored before but now she rivals her Daddy!
More courses for me...
Last week I began another baking course at McCalls here in Mississauga. I took all the Wilton cake decorating courses last summer and have decided to carry on now that life has calmed down a bit, well that's not really accurate, its a little less on fire now, shall we say. I'm doing colour flow designs for cakes with an old friend (haven't seen in 15 years) Stephanie from high school. It was great to catch up with her and there were enough nut jobs in the class to keep us entertained for the whole evening. We go for the next one tomorrow night.
Jolly Ole England......
Once getting the OK to travel with Olivia from Sick Kids we booked a trip to England right away to introduce her to the the other half of her family. We got back last weekend after a 10 day getaway which was busy and fun. She was a great flyer, well except for the part where she threw up on the way back but that was not from the flight but rather from her putting her fingers too far into her own mouth - silly monkey. She mostly slept, cooed and drooled and smiled. The family all loved her and spoiled her rotten. She decided not to adjust to the time difference at all and became a night owl but at least that meant some sleep-ins for us! Due to all the excitement, she gained no weight while we were away which was not great so we have had our hands full trying to get her eating properly again this week.
Vroooooom, Vroooooooooooom.....
After an endless debate over vehicles, I finally caved and gave Ben my blessing on getting a new Volvo. We have never seen eye to eye on cars since the day we met as I am a convertible/SUV kinda gal and he is a sedan kinda guy - I only drive automatic and he LOVES standard. Come car shopping with us folks - it will be fun, I swear! His lease was up on his old Seabring and we had to make a decision on a new one. So being the great wife that I am, I finally relented and gave him my blessing, in exchange for the promise of a fancy little convertible for my 40th of course. So off we went to the dealership to buy him his dream car, a car I will never drive. We gave our other one back and well its now 5-6 weeks later and we are still waiting for the Volvo to arrive and sharing my car - what a pain in the A$$ but they promise us that it will be in this week. It had to come from Sweden doncha know.
Marathon mayhem......
Well my ever so ambitious goal of a marathon in May is rapidly slipping through my fingers. With the limited use of the car I have not been able to get to the gym and honestly all this lag time has really poured water on my fire. I now find myself compromising to a half marathon or a 5-10k walk/run - whatever I can get to in the short amount of time I have left to train. Until we get our second car back I cannot really even begin to make plans. I will just have to do the best I can with what I have left and do it as well as possible.
Well its getting late and my brain is calling last call so I had better wrap this up. I will endeavour to fill in the gaps of the last month and keep you all up to date over the coming days.
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