Hello All....
This is a random entry as I have been a bit slack in the 'keeping this blog up to date' department.
Late last week Olivia had her 6 month well baby visit with her pediatrician. She got her vaccinations and once again handled it like a trooper. They weighed and measured her and aside from being a tad short, she is doing really well. The big concern as you know, has always been her weight and she has hit 16 lbs and continues to float around the 50Th percentile which is great for her. The doc had a student with him again this time and was very quick to brag about Olivia's progress. He said "This is the one I was telling you about this morning, 3 months ago she was in heart failure and look at her now - she's absolutely amazing!" I was so proud :) I also discussed her overall lack of interest in solid foods and he said its very common for kids who have had a feeding tube to have developed a food aversion. She is getting referred to an Occupational Therapist to see if we can get her to want to eat better. Right now its a giant laundry generating, finger painting lesson where almost none of it actually makes it down the hatch.
And now for something completely different..... I got a job. I took a part time position at the Loblaws across the street from my house in the new optical that is opening this week. I have been wanting to get back into the working world for a while now to exercise my brain a bit and meet some new people in the area. I started training last week.
I met with my doctor today to discuss my overall health. This is the man who delivered Olivia. He had not seen her in many months so he wanted to have a listen to her heart while we were there. He was the one who discovered her murmur at 7 days old. He told me today that he had gone back to his notes about my delivery and double checked that he had personally listened to her heart when she was born and he had. He said that the holes must have been a lot bigger at birth because he could not hear them at all that day. I had always wondered about that - how they were missed at birth. Next time we will know ahead of time though due to a fetal echo.
Now where were we...ah yes, my health. I had made the appointment to discuss my weight loss goals and my frustration with my current weight. I am not sure if I had mentioned that I had lost all but 5 lbs of my pregnancy weight after O was born but with taking the Postpartum drugs, I had put it right back on within about 2 months. I told him that I weaned myself off the drugs in January but so far have not managed to take much of it off again. He explained that the drugs can cause weight gain but so does chronic stress. I need to find a way to better handle stress. I know that the crisis has passed with Olivia's health but I still can't fully relax. I feel like I am suspended in a state of heightened alert that I cannot shut off. It's kind of like stepping off a curb and almost being hit by a car and at the last second you step back and it just misses you. You stand there stunned, have a hot flash as all the adrenaline rushes through your veins as you realize how close you came. Its not just that moment that affects you. For the rest of the day and the days that follow, you make extra sure you look both ways, that you focus on traffic signals and that you are fully aware of the cars around you. Well that's the state I am stuck in now. I am very aware of Olivia's health and the markers of its progress. I wonder how long it will take for that state to start to fade off. Will I ever be a normal parent? He is sending me for all kinds of blood work to make sure that my body is functioning properly and referring me to a dietitian. It's progress.
Maybe I should try and figure out this chronic insomnia while I am at it!
That's enough rambling for one night...er morning I should say. G'night.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Niacin - the stuff of the devil
Lately I have been making great strides to take better care of myself. I am not where I want to be as far as my marathon goal but I am beyond where I want to be in other areas. I have given up refined foods, white foods and junk food. I have replaced them with whole foods, more fruits and veg, whole grains, lots of fibre and heart healthy supplements. I am also getting out walking for anywhere between 30 minutes and 3 hours per day with Olivia. It's not exactly marathon training but its a hell of a lot more than I was doing before and I feel the smartest move for me at present. As much as I would like to run that marathon, its going to take a lot more time to get this body in that kind of shape.
I am taking a multi-vitamin, 500 mg of DHA, 600 mg of EPA, 2000 IU of Vitamin D, 4 mg of Folic Acid. This is the mix I have been taking for about a year now.
Tonight I added a big vitamin B 100 complex (100 mg of all the B's) and 500 mg of Niacin. WELL, these were recommended in a book I just finished (400 mg of Niacin was the recommended dose but I could only find 500 mg dose) and my GAWD I had an awful reaction. I am sure it was the niacin as the bottle says it might cause some flushing, itching or burning sensation on the skin. They say take it before bed to lesson any reaction. So I did.
A half an hour after I took it I was started shivering. That turned into what I would compare to the kind of reaction one would have being naked in the arctic. I was out of control almost like seizing! Teeth chattering, body absolutely out of my control, rigid and shivering for an hour and a half. It was so bad that I had to wake Ben. I was not physically cold but I felt it on the inside. Poor guy was trying his best to warm me up while sweating buckets because I was not actually cold. My insides and my outside were at opposite ends of the spectrum and neither of us could do anything about it. I was under 2 duvets with Ben curled up to me and I felt as if I were freezing to death, literally. I am sure that if i could have made it to the bathroom to get into a hot shower, I would have likely burned myself as no amount of heat was warming me up. It was a very, very odd experience. Eventually it calmed down to a panic and eased up. Then the heat set in. I am now incredibly hot and cannot sleep because of it. I laid there with the window cracked (-5 out there), the fan on, all the covers off and still could not get cool enough to sleep.
This is insanity at its finest.
The niacin is in the garbage.
I am taking a multi-vitamin, 500 mg of DHA, 600 mg of EPA, 2000 IU of Vitamin D, 4 mg of Folic Acid. This is the mix I have been taking for about a year now.
Tonight I added a big vitamin B 100 complex (100 mg of all the B's) and 500 mg of Niacin. WELL, these were recommended in a book I just finished (400 mg of Niacin was the recommended dose but I could only find 500 mg dose) and my GAWD I had an awful reaction. I am sure it was the niacin as the bottle says it might cause some flushing, itching or burning sensation on the skin. They say take it before bed to lesson any reaction. So I did.
A half an hour after I took it I was started shivering. That turned into what I would compare to the kind of reaction one would have being naked in the arctic. I was out of control almost like seizing! Teeth chattering, body absolutely out of my control, rigid and shivering for an hour and a half. It was so bad that I had to wake Ben. I was not physically cold but I felt it on the inside. Poor guy was trying his best to warm me up while sweating buckets because I was not actually cold. My insides and my outside were at opposite ends of the spectrum and neither of us could do anything about it. I was under 2 duvets with Ben curled up to me and I felt as if I were freezing to death, literally. I am sure that if i could have made it to the bathroom to get into a hot shower, I would have likely burned myself as no amount of heat was warming me up. It was a very, very odd experience. Eventually it calmed down to a panic and eased up. Then the heat set in. I am now incredibly hot and cannot sleep because of it. I laid there with the window cracked (-5 out there), the fan on, all the covers off and still could not get cool enough to sleep.
This is insanity at its finest.
The niacin is in the garbage.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Rock On Gold Dust Woman
Just got in from seeing Fleetwood Mac - awesome! It took me to a strange place tonight, sitting there watching them. Their music has been with me for my entire life and there are so many great thoughts and memories tied to their songs. It reminded me of the bigger picture and made me realize that for the past few months I have been bogged down in the everyday stresses of life. Sometimes I forget that life is about so much more than that, that there is a greater purpose and that I am more than the sum of my parts. Music generally does that to me, good music - transports me to places that I seldom visit. It's been a great night. It reminded me to pull my head out of my arse and think bigger.
I need to remember that, to teach Olivia to live big, to dream big and to savour the emotional landscape of her future. I hope that she takes after me and is not afraid to go forth and carve a different path in life. I hope that she turns out like me, only better. I want to raise her to be colourful, eccentric and brave yet polished, elegant, poised and as smart as a whip. I want her to be well rounded, witty and bold. It will be a tough challenge but if anyone can do it, she can.
I made a decision tonight (with Ben's blessing of course) that if we have a girl next her middle name will be Gypsy, if its a boy, his middle name will be Danger. I wanted to call Olivia Gypsy but I got vetoed. This time its not up for discussion.
My mind is whirling, I am chewing on so many thoughts.....
I need to remember that, to teach Olivia to live big, to dream big and to savour the emotional landscape of her future. I hope that she takes after me and is not afraid to go forth and carve a different path in life. I hope that she turns out like me, only better. I want to raise her to be colourful, eccentric and brave yet polished, elegant, poised and as smart as a whip. I want her to be well rounded, witty and bold. It will be a tough challenge but if anyone can do it, she can.
I made a decision tonight (with Ben's blessing of course) that if we have a girl next her middle name will be Gypsy, if its a boy, his middle name will be Danger. I wanted to call Olivia Gypsy but I got vetoed. This time its not up for discussion.
My mind is whirling, I am chewing on so many thoughts.....
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Goodbye Grandma
Today we said a fond farewell to a wonderful woman, a beloved Mother, Grandmother and Great-Grandmother. She had a lovely service and made her exit in exactly the way that she wanted. It's hard to believe she is gone.
It was a sad day but I am happy to believe she is now with Grandpa after 14 long years. I picture her finding him in heaven tending his garden, sneaking up from behind, tapping his shoulder and being met with the most wonderful smile and embrace ever known. I picture him twirling her around, sweeping her off her feet. I picture the tears and rejoice in their hearts, the squealing and laughter of their reunion. I picture them picking up where they left off, only more youthful, carrying on as they were for all the years they were together.
Down the road, I picture them waiting for us all, at a big backyard party in the sky with accordion music and a feast laid out on a great big picnic table in true Di Tecco style. Everyone gone before us will be there like a big family reunion. Of course there will be pasta with Grandmas famous sauce, all kinds of baked goodies and Grandpa will be dipping bread in the salad dressing. Grandma will be saying 'It's so nice to see you dear, hurry up, come and get something to eat' and Grandpa will be pinching my cheeks once again.
I'm in no rush, but as I lose more friends and family as the years go by, I'd like to think that I will see them all again someday and that we will all spend the hereafter at a great big eternal party reminiscent of all the good times we shared in this lifetime.
It was a sad day but I am happy to believe she is now with Grandpa after 14 long years. I picture her finding him in heaven tending his garden, sneaking up from behind, tapping his shoulder and being met with the most wonderful smile and embrace ever known. I picture him twirling her around, sweeping her off her feet. I picture the tears and rejoice in their hearts, the squealing and laughter of their reunion. I picture them picking up where they left off, only more youthful, carrying on as they were for all the years they were together.
Down the road, I picture them waiting for us all, at a big backyard party in the sky with accordion music and a feast laid out on a great big picnic table in true Di Tecco style. Everyone gone before us will be there like a big family reunion. Of course there will be pasta with Grandmas famous sauce, all kinds of baked goodies and Grandpa will be dipping bread in the salad dressing. Grandma will be saying 'It's so nice to see you dear, hurry up, come and get something to eat' and Grandpa will be pinching my cheeks once again.
I'm in no rush, but as I lose more friends and family as the years go by, I'd like to think that I will see them all again someday and that we will all spend the hereafter at a great big eternal party reminiscent of all the good times we shared in this lifetime.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Happy 6 Month Birthday Olivia!
This is how they get a chest x-ray on an infant down at Sick Kids - crazy eh? Poor dumpling hates this contraption - can't blame her though really.
We were down at Sick kids again today for Olivia's latest checkup. She had another sedated full echo cardiogram, and ECG and chest x-ray. We met with her nurse, her resident, her cardiologist, her dietitian and a med student as well as a new research team that is studying the genetics of heart disease in children. In a nutshell, the results were good.
Her liver is no longer enlarged, her heart is shrinking (was enlarged and is returning to normal) and the pulmonary edema (fluid in her lungs) is decreasing. Those are all positive signs that her body is having to struggle less which is great. Her gradient number however went down and its a bit puzzling. We were excited last time to hear that it had gone up to 150 but today it was only at 110. Remember the hose analogy that I mentioned last time - the smaller the hole/the higher the pressure/the bigger the noise/the bigger the gradient. They said today that while the gradient is down, all other signs in her body are still pointing toward self repair so they are content with her progress.
Also, she is still not showing any signs of muscular distress in her heart due to the improper flow or any valve damage which were the things that they were watching for that still might have required surgery. All this is good news. Its fairly certain now that surgery is off the cards.
She was reduced by one dose per day on her diuretic (Lasix) and we go back again in 6 weeks time to see about getting her off of it all together.
Ben and I both gave samples today of blood and saliva for the bio bank research. Over the coming years they are going to try and figure out why this happens to certain kids and try and figure out how to stop it from happening. They will be studying all kids/parents with cardiac issues that consent from Sick Kids, London Health Sciences, McMaster and Children's out in Ottawa and a few other major hospitals are due to come on board. It's a brand new study and we eagerly signed up to be Guinea pigs. They will take an extra vial of blood from Olivia the next time that she needs routine blood work for the study as they do not believe in poking the kids unnecessarily. Us adults are another story - they were quite eager with the needles ha ha.
She is growing nicely, 15 1/2 lbs or 7.15 kg now and is at or above the 50th percentile for all her measurements. She is also meeting all her developmental milestones nicely and is beginning to giggle on a regular basis which I am convinced is the best sound on earth.
Her liver is no longer enlarged, her heart is shrinking (was enlarged and is returning to normal) and the pulmonary edema (fluid in her lungs) is decreasing. Those are all positive signs that her body is having to struggle less which is great. Her gradient number however went down and its a bit puzzling. We were excited last time to hear that it had gone up to 150 but today it was only at 110. Remember the hose analogy that I mentioned last time - the smaller the hole/the higher the pressure/the bigger the noise/the bigger the gradient. They said today that while the gradient is down, all other signs in her body are still pointing toward self repair so they are content with her progress.
Also, she is still not showing any signs of muscular distress in her heart due to the improper flow or any valve damage which were the things that they were watching for that still might have required surgery. All this is good news. Its fairly certain now that surgery is off the cards.
She was reduced by one dose per day on her diuretic (Lasix) and we go back again in 6 weeks time to see about getting her off of it all together.
Ben and I both gave samples today of blood and saliva for the bio bank research. Over the coming years they are going to try and figure out why this happens to certain kids and try and figure out how to stop it from happening. They will be studying all kids/parents with cardiac issues that consent from Sick Kids, London Health Sciences, McMaster and Children's out in Ottawa and a few other major hospitals are due to come on board. It's a brand new study and we eagerly signed up to be Guinea pigs. They will take an extra vial of blood from Olivia the next time that she needs routine blood work for the study as they do not believe in poking the kids unnecessarily. Us adults are another story - they were quite eager with the needles ha ha.
She is growing nicely, 15 1/2 lbs or 7.15 kg now and is at or above the 50th percentile for all her measurements. She is also meeting all her developmental milestones nicely and is beginning to giggle on a regular basis which I am convinced is the best sound on earth.
Oh what a day...
I am full of tears, Grandma has passed. She went peacefully early this morning. We got the news en route to Sick Kids with Olivia this morning. I had to try and keep it together for her sake and the many hours of testing and consultations we had ahead. It's been one of the longest days I can remember and here I am still up, haunted by insomnia yet again.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Sober Day
Today I deviate from my usual nonsense to some serious thought. My heart is heavy, Grandma is failing and quickly. She has been in my thoughts daily for the last couple of weeks and constantly in the last couple of days. She is now on the threshold as we all await the inevitable. A month ago she was the spry 89 year old that was still going to the gym 3 times a week and burning up dance floors wherever possible. She was always the consummate Grandma, filling our bellies with goodies from her kitchen and making sure all around her were content. She never complained and I mean never, about anything, her positive outlook was a lesson for us all.
Those days are gone, today she is a frail shadow of the woman she once was, confined to her bed, barely conscious, every minute slipping farther and farther away. I find myself very conflicted this morning, sad at the prospect of getting that inevitable phone call yet happy that I have had the benefit of all these years with her. She has been a great influence on me in my lifetime, teaching me many things, from grace and humility to how to make the best butter tarts in history. I know that she is suffering, she is pain while she waits and that bothers me, a lot. She doesn't deserve that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I wish I could make her remaining time pleasurable and do what she has done for all of us, day in and day out, brighten our days and remind us of all the positive things in life. Right now, my biggest wish is that she doesn't suffer much longer.
Those days are gone, today she is a frail shadow of the woman she once was, confined to her bed, barely conscious, every minute slipping farther and farther away. I find myself very conflicted this morning, sad at the prospect of getting that inevitable phone call yet happy that I have had the benefit of all these years with her. She has been a great influence on me in my lifetime, teaching me many things, from grace and humility to how to make the best butter tarts in history. I know that she is suffering, she is pain while she waits and that bothers me, a lot. She doesn't deserve that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I wish I could make her remaining time pleasurable and do what she has done for all of us, day in and day out, brighten our days and remind us of all the positive things in life. Right now, my biggest wish is that she doesn't suffer much longer.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Baby Food 101
Most of you know that I do not cook. I can cook a couple of things but nothing earth shattering. If I cook for you, I either really don't like you (read trying to poison you) or I am really trying to impress you but that's not likely. If I were trying to impress, I would most likely demonstrate my excellent reservation making skills. I make great Hors D'oeuvres, from the box of course. Why can't we just eat those every night? What fun it would be to have a cocktail party every night.
OK back to reality....I had a temporary lapse of sanity and tried to go for the highly coveted 'Mother of the Year' award on Sunday. I made baby food. Yes, I will say it again since I know you just fell off your chair - *I* made baby food.
It started off well, with baking potatoes and sweet potatoes which I then pureed, portioned and froze. Now I know you are not impressed but for me that was a big deal. I am a baker, not a cook. Then I got crazy, I did carrots and broccoli. Well that's where it all went to crap. I didn't cook either of them first which led to a pulpy, gritty mess. Good thing I tasted a bit before I finished - the broccoli was awful. It had a two part scent, one part lawn and one part ass. Boy that was a big mistake! Next time I will cook the veg before I attempt to puree it. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it all - funky salsa? senior soup? I will jut slip it to Ben somehow - heck he will just be happy I 'cooked' and will grin and bear it ha ha.
OK back to reality....I had a temporary lapse of sanity and tried to go for the highly coveted 'Mother of the Year' award on Sunday. I made baby food. Yes, I will say it again since I know you just fell off your chair - *I* made baby food.
It started off well, with baking potatoes and sweet potatoes which I then pureed, portioned and froze. Now I know you are not impressed but for me that was a big deal. I am a baker, not a cook. Then I got crazy, I did carrots and broccoli. Well that's where it all went to crap. I didn't cook either of them first which led to a pulpy, gritty mess. Good thing I tasted a bit before I finished - the broccoli was awful. It had a two part scent, one part lawn and one part ass. Boy that was a big mistake! Next time I will cook the veg before I attempt to puree it. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it all - funky salsa? senior soup? I will jut slip it to Ben somehow - heck he will just be happy I 'cooked' and will grin and bear it ha ha.
The Poo Fiasco
I don't think any words can add to this picture - thats just what leaked out of the diaper - you should have seen the inside of the pants and the missing sock....holy crapinoli
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