A Sober Day

Today I deviate from my usual nonsense to some serious thought. My heart is heavy, Grandma is failing and quickly. She has been in my thoughts daily for the last couple of weeks and constantly in the last couple of days. She is now on the threshold as we all await the inevitable. A month ago she was the spry 89 year old that was still going to the gym 3 times a week and burning up dance floors wherever possible. She was always the consummate Grandma, filling our bellies with goodies from her kitchen and making sure all around her were content. She never complained and I mean never, about anything, her positive outlook was a lesson for us all.

Those days are gone, today she is a frail shadow of the woman she once was, confined to her bed, barely conscious, every minute slipping farther and farther away. I find myself very conflicted this morning, sad at the prospect of getting that inevitable phone call yet happy that I have had the benefit of all these years with her. She has been a great influence on me in my lifetime, teaching me many things, from grace and humility to how to make the best butter tarts in history. I know that she is suffering, she is pain while she waits and that bothers me, a lot. She doesn't deserve that. I wish there was something I could do to help. I wish I could make her remaining time pleasurable and do what she has done for all of us, day in and day out, brighten our days and remind us of all the positive things in life. Right now, my biggest wish is that she doesn't suffer much longer.